Your slapshot does not scare me.
Trust me, it doesn’t.
The mask I’m wearing is made of kevlar.
That’s the stuff they use in bulletproof vests.
And having seen you play, if anyone on your team ever calls you “bullet” they’re being ironic.
Oh, you just bought yourself a new $250 Bauer Supreme One 95.
I’m so happy for you.
But when you take your giant windup with that new twig it’s not intimidating, it just gives me a couple more seconds to get prepared.
That’s why those pucks keep mysteriously ending up in my glove.
That’s right, you did score that one time, didn’t you?
Sorry to pop your tires, but that was my fault.
I probably shoulda taken that one more seriously.
But we were already up by three and sometimes I get bored against you guys.
Also, nobody on your team is willing to go to the front to screen me because your shots are too wild.
Which is another reason why I’m not scared.
Here’s a tip:
Learn yourself a wrist shot instead.
With all the porn you consume you should master that in no time.