you're reading...
Locker Talk, Skillz, Stick 'Em In The Mind

Ode To The Rec Hockey Slapshot Taker

When slapshots don't work

When slapshots don’t work

Your slapshot does not scare me.
Trust me, it doesn’t.
The mask I’m wearing is made of kevlar.
That’s the stuff they use in bulletproof vests.
And having seen you play, if anyone on your team ever calls you “bullet” they’re being ironic.

Oh, you just bought yourself a new $250 Bauer Supreme One 95.
I’m so happy for you.
But when you take your giant windup with that new twig it’s not intimidating, it just gives me a couple more seconds to get prepared.
That’s why those pucks keep mysteriously ending up in my glove.

That’s right, you did score that one time, didn’t you?
Sorry to pop your tires, but that was my fault.
I probably shoulda taken that one more seriously.
But we were already up by three and sometimes I get bored against you guys.

Also, nobody on your team is willing to go to the front to screen me because your shots are too wild.
Which is another reason why I’m not scared.
Here’s a tip:
Learn yourself a wrist shot instead.
With all the porn you consume you should master that in no time.



One thought on “Ode To The Rec Hockey Slapshot Taker

  1. Oh the allure of top of the line hockey sticks….
    That’s a great link to a very insightful wrist shot instructional video!

    Posted by David Laverdière | February 21, 2012, 3:49 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: