The Universality Of ’14 Minutes Of Pissed Off Goalies’

Tukka Rask stick smash

The big sporting viral video of the week is something called “14 Minutes Of Pissed Off Goalies.”

The medley, which is exactly what the title sounds like, had an uncomfortable sting to it.

That’s because when I was watching it I saw myself in those videos. Not literally. I wasn’t in any of them. But I’ve done many of the things in that compilation.

Exactly how many? Well, I watched the video and tried to figure that out. Follow along with me…

Threw my stick after getting scored on a penalty shot? No.
Threw my stick after getting scored on? Yes.
Threw a water bottle? Yes.
Broke a stick on a goal post? Yes.
Attacked a player who ran me? Yes.
Attacked a player who hit me in the head with a stick? Yes.
Yelled at a ref after being interfered with? Yes.
Smashed my stick into the boards? Yes.
Chased after a hotdog who celebrated their goal too much? Yes.
Fell down and embarrassed myself while having a fit about something? Likely.
Kicked the boards? Yes.
Forearm shivered a player? Yes.
Got a game misconduct? Yes.
Pushed over the net? Yes.
Attacked someone who whacked the stick out of my hand? Yes.
Hooked someone between the legs? Probably, but not hard.
Chopped someone on the ankle? Yes.
Chopped someone on the back of the leg? Yes.
Punched someone who backed into me? Yes.
Smashed my stick on the ice. Yes.
Screamed “Fuck!!!” Yes.
Got into a fight with a trainer over a hat? No.
Screamed at a ref who called a kicked in puck a goal? Yes.
Attacked a forechecker who bodychecked me? Yes.
Went after a player who dirty tripped me? Yes.
Slashed Wayne Gretzky? No.
Threw my blocker at someone? Yes.
Goalie fight? Yes.
“Accidentally” tripped the ref? No.
Gesture to Montreal Forum fans who were mock saluting me? No.
Thrown something onto the ice from behind the bench? Only as a fan, not while playing.
Grabbed ahold of, then tried to break the stick of someone who jammed at me? Yes.
Elbowed the other goalie while changing ends? No.
Punch a guy in the face with my trapper hand? Yes.
Act as insane as Patrick Roy’s son? No.
Straight fought a player? Not really. Kinda.
Shot a puck at the other goalie? Yes.
Tackled a player who ran into the net? Yes.
Washed the glass with my water bottle to mock the goal judge? No.