13 Reasons To Hate The Parkdale Hockey Lads (A Reminder)

Parkdale Hockey Lads

I wrote this list up about my team the Hack HC’s blood enemies the Parkdale Hockey Lads a few years ago. Some of these facts are outdated now, but it’s still worth a revisit. Check it.

13 Reasons To Hate The Parkdale Hockey Lads

1. Blue uniforms remind you of the Smurfs, except more “rape-y.”

2. Yawd Sylvester’s nice-guy routine’s a sham. He beats puppies.

3. Simon Evers has apparently scored two of his three lifetime goals against us. He must be so proud.

4. One of their goaltenders works at Exclaim. Blood feud!

5. They take great, unnatural joy in regularly beating the co-ed, beginner-player team The Black Hearts.

6. Christopher Michael Murphy.

7. They’ve got the word “Parkdale” in their name so you know they’re all douche bags.

8. The chubby one’s always trying to get into everyone’s business.

9. Stephen Cribbin. [Oops, sorry… wrong team.]

10. James “Scooby” Strachan blames us for us breaking his leg last year.

11. Tommy Gough. You’re no Dave Andreychuk.

12. They have something like seven guys with the last name “Freitas” on their roster and all of them are the type of folks who grope people who pass out from drinking.

13. We don’t even know what a “Kalinka” is, but we suspect it’s some form of v.d.

Hack HC play the Parkdale Hockey Lads on Saturday, Sept. 22, 7 p.m. at the newly reopened Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto.